The Prison Of My Soul

"The essential lesson I've learned in life is to just be yourself. Treasure the magnificent being that you are and recognize first and foremost you're not here as a human being only. You're a spiritual being having a human experience."  [Wayne Dyer]

Our lives don't run parallel to one another. Those around us, in our lives, are not there to make the human journey what it is, but to somewhat keep us sane of the fact that each of us are all alone on our own separate human journeys. Our masks, titles and impressions are all but a stage act to those who make our social life, who we truly are is locked away in a prison in our soul, hidden from the world. Selfish and constantly thrown with the idea that we need to be better then someone, better than a "particular" group; we are driven to conformity forgetting who we truly are.

Locked away, kept hostage and cast into darkness is our true selves. How hash can we be, to neglect the most honest part, most loyal, most true identity we all have. Living day to day, as an actor in the world's stage while crying out from the darkness is our true beauty. Tears running down from the sight of constantly pushing ourselves to the floor for the entertainment of others. We in a continuous battle with our identity that the smallest comment of others seem to make us fall on our individual path. Our journey is different, our prisoners the same. The fear that our ultimate self is not good enough for the stage has lead to our disconnect. The human journey, it's beauty, it's smile and it's affection all brought down to rubble.

Cast down in isolation, craving the voice of the prisoner I keep deep in my soul, feeling the warmth of his hand stretching out to me. His tear filled eyes trying to persuade me that he still lives, that he still cares. I shut him away, turn my head aside and make my way back to the life's stage for my next big performance. The humility and forgiveness he has becomes only a silhouette to me. My true self, locked away in the prison of  my soul. I have seen that no matter what I do to please other, no matter what I say to show others who I am will change the path of their journey. Even if my efforts lead to my hand filled with wounds, I will never get the same effort in return from those around me. The only person who knows, who feels and sees me for all that I am and chose to be is that prisoner of my soul.

It is only through unlocking the prison gate, breaking the chains and embracing him with love that he walks the human journey with me, he performs on life's stage alongside me. He smiles and reminds me that I am not alone on this path, but that he is there to pick me up, hold me close and encourage me to keep moving forward. The prisoner is no longer chained but his freedom has became my greatest sacrifice.

As we free our true selves, as the war within us quietens and our darkest night fades. We hear the sound of the birds chirping again, we feel the warm kiss of the sun on our cheeks and smell the fragrance of joy, passion and love in the air. Happiness has once again arrived and the ruins of the prison in our souls is now covered in green and forgotten.

Shall I Compare Thee To A Spring's Apple Tree?

"We cannot stop the winter or the summer from coming. We cannot stop the spring or the fall or make them other than they are. They are gifts from the universe that we cannot refuse. But we can choose what we will contribute to life when each arrives."

[Gary Zukav]

If I should compare myself to anything I would see myself as a Apple Tree, specifically a Apple Tree in the midst of Spring, it's just something about the sight of spring that makes you smile and feel warmth in your heart. I have seen many winters where I have felt desolate in frustration, I am not the most patient of people but I have realized that it is only through having patience that I will be able to grow. I started of as a seedling with my roots deep in fertile soil. I grew up in a moral based family, my dad being a pastor with strong beliefs in bending the tree while its still young, but the with good soil comes the expectation of good fruit trees too. As I grew from a seedling to growing a bark I have seen many who have been cut and broken some who grew to fast and some who have just been planted on near gravel and there soil filled with rock.

I have always been watched on, coming out of a pastoral clergy family, I have always had that “reputation” to uphold and increased responsibility to beware of my actions in the community. I have been judged in many instances for things that the average teenager would do, but these morals have somewhat molded me into the person I am today.

I always try to do my best in everything I do, I fear failure just as an axe to a tree for firewood. These were my winters at times, but independence to let my branches grew as they wish has always been a liberating feeling of freedom, like the feel of the spring time rain, it brought the nutrients I needed to make my own choices and follow my own ideas and dreams. My love for exploring new sights, vibrant cultures, as the beautiful colors of spring.

I have moved away from looking to take the common way and gained a sense of tolerance,  in finding peace in difference. The most beautiful of things I chose not to see in complexity but in the simple form that it is, this action is what consumed my fears and sorrows, just like the Apple Tree, it beauty is in its process of change and letting go to become purposeful.

Just as the Apple Tree in spring, my personality is like the white and pink blossoms, I take pride in showing gratitude, for the blessing bestowed to me...my waving leafs are filled with thankfulness, happiness and joy. Through every gust of wind that might pass me by, I take in what is good for me. The honey-bee pollinating my blossoms, they nurture my soul reminding me of my purpose. Rejecting all the attempts of bugs and pests, as they seek to destroy my mutual relationship with my gold and black striped friends With the sight of hope in each bud for a new generation of fruit, each bud as my growth of my skills.

My future as bright as the spring sunshine, the clouds-my dreams, giving a new light and vision to reach for the sky, like an apple tree with a dream to feed a nation. I lift up my eyes to heavens, I continue to grow and take in all that has expanded my mind as I pass through the seasons of life.